My Long and Winding Road

Too many things have happened to me recently
loneliness, hatred and sadness smite me to the marrow.
Woe is me, and happiness seems so far-fetched.
I feel like crying, but pride and conscience remind me not to
For tears proclaim my defeat,
and defeat reveals a wasted-self with crumbled dignity.
But yet I cry. Yes, I do cry.
Crying in sheer solitude, in gloomy darkness
Having no soothing arms to run into............
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I have been tottering along the same long and winding road,
pelted by the same ruthless, damaging squall
I am soaked through with the same humiliation,
and my spirit is yowling in the same muteness.

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Through my blurring vision,
I see a surreal view looming far ahead.....
A confused maze of thunderbolts is welcoming me
with open arms at the end of the road, which seem blood lust.
My heart is sinking to the deepest core of abyss
and throbbing more heavily than ever, until it hurts.
Is it as menacing as a sly, predatory beast waiting on its prey?
is it as doomed as the city of Sodom and Gomorrah?
or is it going to change my life from bad to worse,
or otherwise?
What should I do? Who can help me pull through the ordeal?
None! None! None! There is no one, no-one..........
No --one -- to-- give -- me --succour-----
Even God seems unreal in his prolonged absence
unreal........ unreal.......................
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My mind is hay-wired to the extreme.
The life beyond seems overcast with privation, fear,
uncertainties and even death!
...........................Sigh..........................sigh ...................................
.........................................sigh...........................................................
.................somehow.........................somehow.............................
Somehow I know............, I know.........
I have to reach there, for there is no turning back.
Life is a test, the result is either a pass or a failure
To defeat it is to keep the flimsiest hope in me burning
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Yes, let it burn, let it burn , let it burn....
and rekindle itself.

I listen actively but respond passively

I am a kind of person who is ready to lend my ears to friends in conversation. Whether or not the subject is interesting, I will give unwavering attention to the best of my ability. I may play along sometimes but it does not mean I am untruthful . I find it impudent to pour cold water on others' concern and enthusiasm with contempt and railleries. Hence, I avoid seeing certain broached topics as unimportant on the assumption that they may be useful to me one day.

Having no faculty of impromptu, I cannot articulate my thoughts on intellectual matters or even trifles well. It often takes me a long time to get my message across. This quirkiness has rendered me passive throughout conversation, contributing almost nothing but allowing influxes of ideas non-restrictively. Occasionally, I may share some well- analyzed verdicts but the stinted vocabulary of mine makes most misinterpreted. A person like me definitely fares badly in banter. I don't think any one will be humoured by the hoary jokes I tell.I have no problem joining in for a good laugh though.

Malaysia, a Land of Hope and Dreams

I have been assigned to write the choral speaking script of my school. The following is the first draft:

Title: Malaysia, a land of hopes and dreams

Malaysia,

Malaysia, Malaysia.

A land of hopes and dreams

That cradles and nurtures us like a mother

Under her wings our life is dazzling as sunbeams,

Making our future fuller and brighter.

Malaysia, a land that conjures up imagination

Ravishes our senses with her gentle grace

That dances with us in unison.

Every leaf and bud sings your name.

Malaysia,

Malaysia, Malaysia.

A rising giant with a bright prospect,

In agriculture and industrialization

Through progress and technology,

with full cooperation and determination.

Malaysia

A country 0f strong democracy,

Where peace and harmony is dear to all

A potpourri of multiracial and multicultural delight

Which is ready to greet you in symphony.

Selamat Datang Ke Malaysia,

Huang Yin Lai Malaysia,

Selamat Datai Ka Malaysia,

Welcome To Malaysia.

In you our hope soars sky high

In you our dreams become a reality

Put our heads together and join our hands.

To make Malaysia globally known!

From the wake of day till the descend of night

Your glory stays like an ever-shining star,

That fills the sky with optimism, courage and bliss

Come; let’s chant your greatness in the spirit of patriotism:

MALAYSIA, MALAYSIA, MALAYSIA BOLEH!!!!.

A Special Visit On Chinese New Year

On the second day of Chinese New Year, I went on a day trip to Brunei Darusalam with my Mum, Sis and Dominique. Our main intention was to visit the graves of our maternal Great-grandpa, Great-grandma, Grandma and Grand-aunt in Mum's family graveyard. Except for Mama, my siblings and I had not paid them respect for a lapse of 32 years.

Grandma and Grand-aunt Helena were noted beauties in their youth. They had milky white skin, sparkling almond eyes, and long, lustrous hair. Unfortunately, they both died young-Grandma at age 50 while Grand-aunt at 19. Their grandfather-my maternal great-grandfather was among the richest in Brunei before Japanese Occupation. He loved the two of them dearly and was devastated when Grand-aunt Helena died of food poisoning. He buried her on a family-owned hill, which is now the family graveyard of my mum's family. Grandma died twenty years later of high-blood pressure.

A year after the death of Grand-aunt, Brunei was invaded by the so-called 'liberating force' of Japan. Considering the fact that Great-Grandpa was wealthy, the Japanese forced him to supply food to their troop. Unaware of Great-grandfather's dilemma, many locals reported the matter to some surviving Australian air-fighters who had been stationed in the British protectorate . Many of them had been killed in their resistance of the attack. They agreed to destroy all Great-grandpa's properties before fleeing the country.

By a twist of fate, Great-grandfather was informed of the planned raid and quickly took his whole family including my Mum to a safe hide-out. Ironically, only a slip of Grandpa's lands were destroyed and the more important ones including the hill on which Grand-aunt Helena was buried were spared from the bombing raid. After the Japanese had surrendered, many Australian and British armies returned to Brunei. The air-raiders happened to be among them and they admitted to some relatives of ours that the bombing had been a huge error. One revealed that they had almost bombed the family-owned hill and it was the cross on Grand-aunt's grave that changed their mind. It reminded them of God with its calmness and beauty.

Grandma's name was recently re- inscribed because it had been badly weathered. Mum was relieved to see the name on the tombstone again and so were us. Grand-aunt Helena's tomb is nestled in the north-west part of the semi-forested hill. She was the first to be buried there under a pink-coloured flowering tree(sadly, it was felled last year), followed by my great-grandmother, great grand-pa and grandma.

After saying some silent prayers in our hearts, we left the graveyard and were ready to visit our relatives .

Westernized Chinese Names

I have always hated to see the way Chinese names are portrayed in Western mass media. You can see 'Bo Yang' instead of 'Yang Bo', 'Fei Cheng' instead of 'Cheng Fei' and 'Chun Lai Bao' instead of 'Bao Chun Lai'. Why should there be a switch of position between the family name and the second name ? To me, it compromises the dignity of Chinese who have a high regard of their surnames which have been passed down for generations since time immemorial!

A typical Chinese is preceded by a family name which is either Teo, Lim, Tan or Fan. It is followed by a single-worded second name or a double-worded one. For my case, my surname is 'Lo' while my second name is 'Sin Yee'. Hence, I find it more respectful to have my name called as 'Lo Sin Yee' rather than the disorderly 'Sin Yee Lo'.

Unfortunately, my name has always miscalled on the Internet . Many non-Chinese friends assume that my surname is 'Yee' or 'Sin Yee' instead of 'Lo'. As a result, they like calling me 'Lo Sin' or 'Lo'. I remember explaining the formation of my Chinese name to an incredulous American friend. Her dominantly ingrained perception of western name formation made her unable to register the Chinese naming system in her mind.

Considering Beijing will play host to the Olympic this year, I suggest the organizing committee change all western names to Chinese-styled ones. Wouldn't it be great to see 'Shawn Johnson' as 'Johnson Shawn', 'David Powell' as 'Powell David', and 'George Bush' as 'Bush George'

Bareness

Friends,
Let the bareness of yours
engulf you, enslave you

For bareness
shows the real you
the naked you, the honest you

Here I am
as bare as can be
nothing to boast, and nothing to lose.

Downcast

Days have occupied much of my life

Overtly and covertly they are draining me out

With a malady that makes me disorientated

Nullified are my spirit, my courage and my enthusiasm

Complications of life keep amounting uncontrollably

Anger is after all the main cause of my misery

Suffering does not belong to my foes, but I myself.

Torment will continue being mine, unless I learn to let go.